Feb 09 2011

Stupid Dad Jokes


Today is a special day in our family, and it is the only day that dad jokes are tolerated without complaint.

Richard Glover, that great suburban historian, is a world expert in stupid dad jokes.

According to RG, all dad jokes have two factors in common.

They must be

  • a) not funny in the first place and
  • b) become rapidly less funny through constant repetition.

After years of research, Glover has collected the top 10 dad jokes.

Here they are in order of frequency of use

  1. When opening a book-shaped Christmas present: “I know, it’s a bottle of wine.” 
  2. When asked “Shall I put the kettle on?”: “If you think it will suit you.”
  3. When a huge leg of roast lamb is being placed on the table: “Well, here’s my dinner – I don’t know what the rest of you are having.” 
  4. When driving past a road sign saying “Dip Ahead”: “I hope you’ve got your Jatz ready – there’s dip ahead.”
  5. When asked “How long’s dinner?”: “About 10 centimetres – it’s a sausage.” 
  6. When someone says “I’m Thirsty”: “Hello Thirsty, I’m Friday.” 
  7. When someone says “I’m hungry”: “I’m Germany, pleased to meet you.” 
  8. When someone says “What?”: “Watt? Didn’t he invent the steam engine?”
  9. When patting his tummy at the end of a big meal: “It’s good we ate then – because I’m not a bit hungry now.” 
  10. When asked “What’s on the TV?”: “A pot plant and a DVD player.”

Then, of course, there’s calling “Yes” in a high-pitched girly voice whenever the kids call out for their mum.

Two special favourite in our house that don’t rate in Glover’s top 10

“Dad, can you put on my shoes”, “Sure, but I don’t think they’ll fit”

On the phone “Hello, its Milly speaking”, “Hello Milly Speaking, dad here”.

Do you have any stupid dad jokes in your family? Let us know in the comments.

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